They say people change, yes.. people change and (some people) growing up.. And growing up means have to accept flaws and try to fix it. Not just the flaws of people around, but most of all, your own. It means I also have to find my own way coping with loss, sadness, broken heart, and how to get back up after I fell so hard.
72 months I’ve been loving the one who didn’t love me in return. Finally, I thought that was really enough. I’m not being needed anymore. Sometimes, I was sad, yes. But then I laughed and smiled, I thought that Allah is humorous when it comes to giving me life-lessons. I guess it's things like these that keep someone to be grateful and feel 'small'. That no matter what you do, what you achieve, some people will just not like you that much and continuously underestimate you. My mom was right, she said i have nothing to be sad about. Because sometimes you have to stand alone just to make sure you still can.
So far, I became comfortable sitting on the bus for hours, and knows how to enjoy myself while waiting. I enjoys the time of waiting for the bus and started to make conversation with the people sit next to me. I loves laying my head on the window and notice the change of view outside. I learned that I couldn’t trust people easily. This is the part where I learned not to judge people by its look. I understands my limit as a woman, yet I still pushing towards between the lines. I knows how to protect myself. So, I challenges myself to try new things. I learned to make the impossible happen.
There are some things that are meant to be for us. I have faith that everything happens for a reason; the time when everything seems like going so wrong, the time when I met amazing women who inspires me, and the time when I decided to end my relationship that has been going nowhere. I know that I need to do this 'journey' to find my own path. Because I know that “Women are sentenced to be a housewife in the end”. Yea, someday.
I am not going to lie. I have never been this scared of being on my own. I am still running away from something, but I don’t even know what it is. But being alone taught me to be more patient, to get to know myself, to see how far I would go to survive. I believe in the possibility of something better waiting out there for me.
Sooo.. Happy Birthday, Me!
Keep your head down, keep your heart strong.
I guess I'm done.
Thank you :)
Kuta, Bali 25 August 2015
The Sunset Hotel & Villas, 209